Lost

Have you ever felt lost? I think we must all encounter times when we feel confused, lost, and lonely. In the last few weeks I have been thinking about a particular time I felt very lost. Although I am in a happier place now, processing some of that experience reminded me of those dark times in our lives.

I am always so thankful for the Psalms, which are filled with not just joy and praise, but hurt and betrayal and sorrow and despair. They connect us to the history of humanity - where so much has changed, and yet, so little has. They show us all the worst and best parts of people bumping into the holy, asking for what is wanted, hoping for what is needed, lamenting what is broken and unjust and wrong. We need more of this in our lives - safe spaces to be scared, grieve, and feel sad - and where we can find the love of others and the hope of God.

I hope this poem prayer might find you, or a friend you know, in the areas where you feel alone.

God of Lost Things,

I feel lost.

You are the Shepherd who found the lost sheep.

You are the Woman who found the lost coin.

You are the Father who found the lost son.

You celebrated each of these that were lost and found again.

But I still feel lost.

For so many years, I have jumped through the hoops of the Circus.

I have cleaned up after the Elephants.

I have tamed the tigers and spun the cotton candy.

But I feel all alone on the edges of an unpleasant carnival.

I thought this place that I loved would be different.

I didn’t see it as a sideshow.

I didn’t know it was filled with terrors behind the curtains.

I didn’t understand that they abused the carnies along with the animals.

I mourn the gawking at the freakshow - the ones at whom they point and laugh and carry their signs and cast out.

And I feel lost.

Are there no truths?

Is there no place for me?

I am so sad that for been such chaos.

I wanted to find solace and peace.

I am so sad the conversation so often starts with who doesn’t belong.

I wanted to find a circle of friends.

I am so sad that this beautiful space has become a Haunted House for me.

I wanted it to be Your House, filled with love.

And I feel lost.

I have worked so hard but that doesn't seem to matter.

All I hear is the clanking of the accordion.

All I see is the dancing monkey or the puppets on strings.

All I feel are the frightening faces of clowns, hiding behind each corner

with their dishonest smiles.

And I feel lost.

God of Lost Things, please find me.

Listen to my sorrow.

God, please hear my prayer.

God, feel my shame and embarrassment.

God, find justice for me. I just want to follow you.

And I feel lost.

You gave me gifts with words and with hearts.

You gave me skills that surely meet needs. .

You gave me compassion and kindness.

You gave me acceptance and ears to listen.

Have you forgotten me?

Can you not use me anywhere? Really?

Or are you saving me from something that I cannot see?

If so - could you encourage me? Comfort me?

Search my heart and find the truth.

Place me on the ferris wheel so I can see above -

Gain perspective -

See a little of what you see?

On the ground there is too much.

I’m confused and overwhelmed.

And I am lonely.

And I feel lost.

For now, I will find a quiet corner where I feel safe.

I will pretend that I am in the shadow of your wing, protected.

I will find solitude until I can walk through the fairgrounds again.

But when I do - I will still be looking for fair ground.

I will be brave when the time is right.

But I would rather feel a blessing than have to be brave all the time.

I would rather feel beloved than to have to feel built up all the time.

Look for me God of Lost Things.

Please find me.

I feel lost.

If you feel lost and need a friend, please contact me. I'd love to introduce you to some of our fantastic gatherings, where you can find peace you crave, people you love, and priorities you need.