Some years ago I went to see a new doctor that a friend had raved about. I was having some issues I just couldn't seem to figure out, no matter how hard I tried. I was doing "all the right things" - all the things I had been told to do - and feeling no difference. The whole time I was sharing my concerns, this doctor was writing down notes. When I finished, he looked up and said, "Well, you must be doing it wrong."
No advice, no insights, no curiosity about my ailment - AND that was the end of our meeting. I guess he was making a grocery list, not taking notes about my situation. Whatever the case - he literally offered me nothing helpful - no diagnosis, no testing, no questions. Just "you must be doing it wrong."
I was in a really difficult place at the time. I was tired and I didn't feel well. I was tired of asking for help. And it felt like a gut punch to be told that somehow I was the cause, I held the blame, I was doing "it" all wrong.
WHAT exactly was I doing wrong? I left feeling so confused. When I walked out the doors of the office, I actually stood there and cried. Like sobbing crying - full on ugly crying. And here is the worst part - I just gave up. I decided nothing I could do would make any difference. I. GAVE. UP.
Are there areas of your life where you feel stuck and you just can't seem to find answers? Are there questions you're asking where no one is listening? Are there situations where you think you have to give up? Are you constantly being told you're doing "it" wrong even thought you are working so hard and feel so tired? It is such a lonely feeling.
I assure you that you aren't alone. The more tender the topic, the more isolating it can feel - but you aren't alone. So many of us feel like we are "not enough" or we are "too much" - and never that magical Goldilocks "just right." We forget that we are beloved children of God, called to serve one another. Our words are powerful and can be long lasting. We have a responsibility to use them wisely. I hope I am never the person who causes someone else to give up.
It was years later before I had the courage to ask questions again and even longer before I found someone who would listen. She took great notes, asked me a ton of questions, got curious, found exactly what was happening to me. Too bad it took all that time figure out what was happening and how I could start to heal.
Where are you feeling that you're doing it all wrong today? Do you need an encouraging word or a helping hand? Do you need to break out of an old story and find new hope?
Blessed are the poor in spirit,
ready to say: I have no idea how I got here,
or how to get out of this stagnant place,
but I do know I am ready for more light, more truth, more grace.
God, let it be only You that moves me
to where love and beauty can reach me.
Let it be Your power and none other
that animates each step.
Lead me to where I can grow
And send down roots into truth I can trust,
To where love lives
and beauty is awake.
Let your heart seek the one good step. And the next. Movement. That is the way.
-Kate Bowler, A Blessing for Getting Unstuck
As always, if I can be a friend to you - let me know. Comment below, or scroll down to "let's connect" here.